Updated: Dec 15, 2020
I hope you are well brother. In Sha Allah, you can help me with my problem.
My question is in regards to marriage and I would like some advice if you can help me. I want to marry a girl who previously was not very Islamic and made some mistakes. Now the girl matches my deen and is very Islamic. She wears a hijab, reads Qur'an, prays 5 times a day, and does many other prayers. The girl also fasts every month.
The problem is the girl's family is not very good. The family has lots of bad habits, nature, and has done many bad things in the past. The girl and I both want to perform a Nikkah. We don't speak privately or talk when alone as we want to keep everything halal. The girl's family approves of me and thinks I am a good choice.
However, my family thinks that it is not a good idea since the girl's family has lots of bad habits, nature, and has done many bad things in the past. I will listen to my parent's decision, but they would like advice from an Imaan as well on if this is a good or bad idea. I was wondering if you have any advice, duas or general guidance. I am praying Istikhara and lots of Nafl. In Sha Allah, Allah (SWT) will make it easy for me. Juza-Kullah
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
Alhamdulillah you have taken the correct steps in this situation. Marriage is a very strong and noble relationship in the sight of Allah, therefore there are many things that should be considered when looking for a spouse. One should choose a spouse who is religious, of good character, who will look after the other (spouse), house, raise their children well, and play their role in establishing a successful Muslim family. This is what our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us when he said:
“Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty, and their deen. Choose the one who has deen, may your hands be rubbed with dust” (i.e may you thrive).
Although she has made mistakes in her past, but now, as you have mentioned, she is a practicing Muslim and should not be criticized for her previous actions.
Our beloved Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam has said: “Every son of Adam sins and the best of those who sin are those who repent.”
At the same time one should remember that in a life-changing matter like marriage, the contentment of one's parents is no doubt of utmost importance. When the parents supplicate and pray for their children, only good will come out of it. One should explain to them with care and love, and show them that when a pious offer for marriage comes, it should not be delayed whatsoever. Parents should keep in mind that everyone has their mistakes and bad habits, but none of that is unchangeable. Rather, it is hoped from Allah that by finding a pious spouse, the girl's family too will bring a change into their life.
As for the issue with her family, it can be resolved by gradually teaching them the deen with kindness and love. If not, then the matter of marriage is with the girl, not her family. After marriage, she will move in with you and be living away from her family. As a result, you and your spouse can create a good environment in your home without fear of it being affected by others.
At the same time, one cannot avoid interacting with his/her inlaws, or avoid their children being influenced by them. As you said that her parents are not of the best nature and have bad habits. If these factors can potentially corrupt your children then you must consider this possibility as well.
Once again, if you are confident about her and would like to go ahead and marry this girl, then try your best to convince your family and get their support. A basic principle in Islam is the obligation of obeying one's parents even when it comes to marriage. Honouring their decision is obligatory while marriage to a particular girl is not. Although if a person fears he may fall into zina, or any haram actions with that particular girl, the parents should allow them to get married (in your case seems non-existent).
Continue to make Istikhara until whichever decision your heart becomes firm on. It is possible that this firmness of the heart comes on account of a dream. (Raddul Muhtar, Fatawa Haqaniya).
May Allah put khair in your decision brother, Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student - Jamiah Islamiyah Abu Bakr
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Kasim Ingar
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