Q11 - My (ex) wife asked for khula to whom I provided for 14 years as per my duties & have 2 kids...
Question # 011
السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ Question: Dear respected Imams, My (ex) wife asked for khula to whom I provided for 14 years as per my duties & have 2 kids (boy 10 & girl 13). I have never been abusive to her. I agreed to providing accommodation (3-bed house) and maintenance as asked of me under sharia until the youngest kid is 23 years old, and on top, I have waived the mahr and will give £50k out of kindness. My ex isn't happy with sharia solutions, IGNORES going to scholars and taking me to British court for my assets (£550k)(she wants a permanent house in her name + extra money) and putting me in much financial hardship. She is being very controlling over the kids too. 1. What advice would you give to my wife? 2. Would she be sinful for taking me to court after I have been sharia-compliant? 3. Would the money she gets from court be halal for her? 4. Her parents are financially helping her with legal fees en tho I have been sharia-compliant, would they be sinful? Jazk Allah khirun
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
May Allah (swt) reward you for reaching out and for aiming to follow the Shariah. Ameen.
Firstly, the Quran mentions steps in dissolving marital conflicts:
The couple should aim to resolve the conflict on their own
An unbiased mediator may be brought to help resolve the issue
Advising / Explaining with reason
Separate your place of sleep
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهَا إِنْ يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ
“And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, Allah may bring about their reconciliation.” (Surah Nisa Verse 35)
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلً
“And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them first, if they persist, do not share their beds, but if they still persist, then discipline them gently. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them.” (Surah Nisa Verse 34)
However, in the situation where dissolving the marriage is the only solution, Allah (swt) says:
فَاِمۡسَاكٌ ۢ بِمَعۡرُوۡفٍ اَوۡ تَسۡرِيۡحٌ ۢ بِاِحۡسَانٍ
“Then either keep (her) in an acceptable manner or release (her) with good intention.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah verse 229)
From a Shariah perspective, the husband will only be financially liable for the expenses until the end of the wife`s iddah (waiting period).
Allah (swt) mentions in Surah Baqarah, ayah 228:
وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ
Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods
According to the Hanafi opinion, this is 3 menstrual cycles. According to the Shafi opinion, this period is 3 periods of cleanliness (in between her menses). These expenses include shelter, food, and basic necessities.
Therefore, financially supporting her until the youngest child is 23 years old is not necessary and is not founded in Shariah. However, if one chooses to give their ex-wife further accommodations beyond the waiting period like mentioned, then this is acceptable and rewarding. To press for and demand extra expenses beyond what has already been mentioned is not permissible and do not have to be fulfilled.
Regarding the children, the expenses will be fulfilled by the father.
1- What advice would you give to my wife?
If it is possible to save the marriage for the sake of the children, then that would be the preferred option. The decisions made by parents can result in children suffering consequences. However, in the scenario where the marriage cannot work, annulment of the marriage can be considered. It should be remembered that despite divorce being lawful, it is the last resort in Islam and remains highly discouraged.
The Prophet (Saw) said,
عَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " أَبْغَضُ الْحَلاَلِ إِلَى اللَّهِ تَعَالَى الطَّلاَقُ "
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce. (Abu Dawud)
Shariah has the best interest for both parties. Islam commands the man to seperate from his wife in a polite manner without grudges. This applies to the woman as well (not holding grudges against her former spouse). When a divorce takes place, the families of both spouses should also end on good terms. Lastly, one should be pleased with the decree and stipulation of Allah.
Allah (swt) says regarding this in the Quran,
فَإِذَا بَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ فَارِقُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَأَشْهِدُوا ذَوَيْ عَدْلٍ مِنْكُمْ وَأَقِيمُوا الشَّهَادَةَ لِلَّهِ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ يُوعَظُ بِهِ مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ۚ وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا
And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allah . That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. (Surah Talaq, Ayah 2)
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ ۚ وَمَنْ يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ ۚ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent. (Surah Talaq, Ayah 3)
It is preferred that a meeting/ consultation be arranged with a local Mufti/ Imam to discuss the specifics of how to move forward, and assist both parties on understanding the ruling of finance in divorce.
2-Would she be sinful for taking me to court after I have been Shariah-compliant?
She will be considered sinful for demanding more than what the Shariah stipulated for her.
3-Would the money she gets from court be halal for her?
The money that she will receive from the court will be impermissible for her.
The Prophet (Saw) said,
``...كُلُّ الْمُسْلِمِ عَلَى الْمُسْلِمِ حَرَامٌ دَمُهُ وَمَالُهُ وَعِرْضُهُ "
All things of a Muslim are inviolable for his brother in faith: his blood, his wealth and his honor. (Sahih Muslim)
The wealth and assets of a Muslim become haram for another Muslim to violate/take unrightfully. The amount that has been stipulated by Shariah (enough to suffice her during iddah) will be halal for her. Excess wealth/assets that are taken without the consent of the husband will be impermissible. Wealth and assets that the husband has willingly agreed to will be permissible for her to take.
4-Her parents are financially helping her with legal fees even though I have been Shariah-compliant, would they be sinful?
Assisting in haram will also be impermissible. Therefore, the assistance from her parents is highly discouraged as it is sinful. Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
...وَتَعَاوَنُوۡا عَلَى الۡبِرِّ وَالتَّقۡوٰى وَلَا تَعَاوَنُوۡا عَلَى الۡاِثۡمِ وَالۡعُدۡوَانِ وَاتَّقُوا اللّٰهَ...
Help each other in righteousness and piety, and do not help each other in sin and aggression. Fear Allah. (Surah Al-Ma`ìdah, Ayah 2)
However, it is advised that the parents mediate between the couple rather than taking the matter to a court. It is preferred that the Shariah rulings are adopted from both parties so that such a decision is made which takes into consideration the husband, wife, and children.
May Allah (Swt) ease your situation and reward you for your efforts. Ameen.
And Allah Knows Best.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student - Jamiah Islamiyah Abu Bakr
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Kasim Ingar
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