Salam, I have a question about marriage when wife does small mistakes and accepting it still is it permissible to say bitter words to her and warn her about leaving or swearing on her in reaction? And not accepting that i did wrong? Because whatever i did in reaction is that allowed for mens ? Isn’t Allah upsets when u talk about talaq or when say such words (except the reason is really big)?
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
Marriage is a very strong and noble relationship in the sight of Allah, therefore there are guidelines that are shown by our beloved Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam on how to keep this relationship healthy. Small mistakes happen by everyone and they should be pardoned especially if it is a spouse.
Allah says while describing the Muttaqeen (God fearing): those who repress anger, and who pardon people; verily Allaah loves the muhsineen (the good-doers). [Al Imraan 3:134]
As such, one should refrain from making bitter and vulgar statements to rebuke one’s spouse in reaction. In the scenario where the wife admits her mistake, one should turn a blind eye and never bring up the past. Yes, if the wife doesn't admit her mistake, then she should be approached with wisdom and sincerity, so as to help her change her bad behavior.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: The most perfect of the believers in faith are those who are the best in attitude, and the best of you are those who are best to their women. (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1/217; Ahmad, 2/250.).
Having a good attitude towards a spouse is a very important aspect for a happy married life. Statements which include threats of leaving one’s spouse or talaq/divorce are not only unnecessary but can cause great regret if worded wrongly. Since the right of issuing a divorce is for the husband, he should consider the magnitude of uttering such words. Even in a serious predicament, issuing statements of divorce should only be resorted to after the husband's best judgment (not his emotions) of the situation and if he sees that no possible solution can be found for a happy future between him and his wife. Otherwise, both spouses should try their best to bring about a solution or come to a compromise.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student - Jamiah Islamiyah Abu Bakr
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Kasim Ingar
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